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Problems with alcoholic Christian father

Question

My question concerns my alcoholic father. He's Christian. I know parents should be treated well in all matters except if it goes against Islam. He's often drunk and unbearable. He swears, talks bad, mistreats my mother (but is not violent). I have their only grandchild and I don't like him being near my drunk father. I live with my husband elsewhere and visit them once in a while. My father makes me feel bad. I know I should have sabr. And as usual my father says (like alcoholics do), he has no problem; he can stop whenever he wants. The problem is he doesn't want to. I would appreciate an answer with an Islamic view, because I wasn't able to find any.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) is His slave and Messenger.

First of all, we ask Allaah to guide your father to Islam and to make you happy to see him on the Right Path. Indeed, you are experiencing a trial that requires great patience. It is confirmed that the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) said: "How strange is the matter of a believer, there is good in all his affairs, and this is only for the believer. If something good happens to him and he is grateful, then this is good for him, and if a calamity befalls him and he is patient, then this is also good for him." [Muslim]

However, we advise you to be kind with your father despite his disbelief and alcohol addiction. Whenever he is ready to listen to you, you should exhort him to the good and call him to Islam. Your good behavior with him may be a good reason for him to be guided. Seek Allaah's Help and supplicate Him humbly to guide your father to Islam and enable him to abandon alcohol. Do not despair of the Mercy of Allaah, Allaah responds to the supplications. Allaah guided to Islam those who were more firm in their disbelief than your father as he did in the case of Abu Hurayrah's mother  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him.

One day Abu Hurayrah  may  Allaah  be  pleased  with  him came to the Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) and said: "O messenger of Allaah! I have been calling my mother to Islam and she is continuously refusing it. Today when I called her to Islam she said words about you that I do not like. So, supplicate Allaah to guide my mother."

The Prophet  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allaah exalt his mention ) supplicated for her and she embraced Islam.

As regards your child, if you fear that he will be influenced by your father, then do not take him with you when you go to see him. If it is not possible then do not visit him frequently; instead you may contact him by phone, or the like. Try your best to keep your child away from his grandfather.

Allaah Knows best.

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